


Home After All

by madamelibrarian, Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Series: Loving Heart [43]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angels, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Boys Kissing, Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Kissing, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-16
Updated: 2017-08-16
Packaged: 2018-12-15 23:38:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11816586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/madamelibrarian/pseuds/madamelibrarian, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: As Lucifer conducted the choir, smiling and bringing in new voices, he felt an old feeling. One he hadn’t felt in a long time.





	Home After All

“Remember, you need to drop the jaw and take your air from the diaphragm,” Lucifer explained, running a hand through his hair as he surveyed the choir he was conducting. “That’s why we stand tall when we sing, is it not? Now, again, from the top, please.” 

As Lucifer conducted the choir, smiling and bringing in new voices, he felt an old feeling. One he hadn’t felt in a long time.  _ Oh no. Not a panic attack. Not now _ _ ,  _  he thought as he smiled and beckoned his solo soprano to begin singing her solo. 

_Fake it. Fake it until you make it. It won’t happen if you don’t let it,_ He told himself as he looked back down at his score briefly so he knew when to cue in his solo basso profundo. 

“That’s it!” he encouraged the choir with a warm, beaming smile that belied how anxious he was feeling. He cued the basso profundo and gently quieted the main choir so the male angel’s voice could shine properly. 

He was unaware of increasingly lethargic movements and how his eyes flitted open and shut too quickly to be considered good news. He just pushed on, ignoring the symptoms. 

One of the older Sopranos, watched their conductor curiously from the front row. She’d known Lucifer before his fall and the angel she saw standing before them was not well. His color had paled as his wings twitched intermittently. Concerned, she stepped out of her place and approached him. “Heylel.” She whispered. 

“Zeneriah,” Lucifer greeted with a warm smile. “How’re the fledglings?” He leaned against his stand, sweat beginning to appear on his brow. 

“They thrive. Heylel, you’re not well. What ails you?” She asked in a soft matronly tone as she lifted her wings to try and obscure the choirs’ view of the podium to save Lucifer any potential embarrassment from being sick. 

Lucifer chuckled. “Mother Zeneriah,” he said affectionately with a shake of his head. “I’m not the best, but I’ll be fine.” He swayed a little and set his baton down, using a wing to dab at his brow. 

Joviel, a younger angel with pearl white wings and pink tips came up beside Lucifer and steadied him with with a hand to his shoulder. His twin, Nevial, followed behind as he never liked to be too far away. Joviel looked at the Archangel with worry. “Lucifer, please sit. You look as if you’re about to collapse.”

Lucifer gave a tired smile to Joviel and gently patted his hand. “Perhaps I do need to sit,” he confessed quietly. With a soft flick of Grace, he brought his chair forth and eased down into it, wincing slightly as a flare of anxiety coursed through him. 

Zeneriah knelt beside him and placed a comforting hand on his knee. “I think you may need more than that. You should go back to Earth. Spend time with your mates and rest.”

Joviel and Nevial nodded in agreement. “It would do you good.” Nevial said in his soft voice that never reached above a whisper unless he was singing. “We have practiced a great deal for one day.”

Lucifer gave a soft shrug and reached for his score. “That ending chord still isn’t sounding right,” he murmured, bringing it to him and looking over it. “Or is it the chord before that?” The notes swam in his vision and he rubbed his eyes to try to right it. 

Zeneriah watched him with the eagle eye of a being who’d raised a fair share of fledglings and knew how to spot when one was needing more help than she could offer. “Joviel, fetch the Messenger. Bring him here but do not alarm him.” She said, turning that sharp eye to the younger seraph, who disappeared within a blink of an eye.  

“He’s gonna be alarmed no matter what,” Lucifer muttered, erasing the last line of music and starting over fresh for the ending. The panic was slowly becoming too much, but he wanted to get this last line right before he headed home. He began shakily penning in the new notes for the basses, humming a new ending as he did so. 

Zeneriah plucked the pen from his hand and wrapped hers over his empty fist. “Heylel, look at me.”

Lucifer’s eyes snapped to hers, panic and anxiety high in piercing blue eyes and a sliver of  _ please give me back my pen  _ echoing in the background. “Yes, Zeneriah?” he asked her softly. 

“It can wait.” She said softly with a smile. With a gentle squeeze of his hand, she tilted her head. “Remember when I was young, the song we would sing? The silly tune..about twisting daffodils. Or was it creeping roses?”

Lucifer gave a soft laugh. “The creeping roses song. How could I forget? You loved that song, begged me to sing it with you every chance you got.” He cracked his neck and sighed. “How many verses were there? Five?”

“There are seven now.” She smiled. “After you...well, after you left I wrote more. Would you like to hear them?” Zeneriah glanced sheepishly back at the Choir who were milling around wondering what was happening. 

“Yes, please, of course,” Lucifer smiled before ducking his head down and resting it on his knees, breathing heavily.  _ Breathe, Lucifer, breathe. In for four, out for eight. Imagine Sam’s heart beat and the way your mates feel against you.  _

Zeneriah took a deep breath and in a clear, sweet voice started to sing the song from the beginning. Even adding in the little hand movements they’d made up millenia ago. Nevial watched with interest and joined her by the third verse, vocalizing in harmony. By the fifth verse, the choir had stopped their mutterings and joined in with their own highs and lows of the song. Soft background so as to not drown out Zeneriah’s voice. 

Lucifer focused on the voices of his choir and imagined his mates there, holding him as he very, very slowly began to relax. When the last verse rang out, he slowly lifted his head, hair wet with sweat and a pale look to his skin but overall a bit calmer. He gave a small smile. “Beautiful work.” he murmured. 

“I think there was a voice missing.” Gabriel said as he strode up to Lucifer, wrapping wings and arms around him. “I came as quick as I could. What’s wrong?” he whispered to Lucifer. 

Lucifer leaned into his mate’s hold and just relaxed in it for a little bit before looking up at him. “Panic attack,” he admitted quietly, turning his face away from his choir to nose into Gabriel’s shoulder. “It came out of nowhere and I tried to ride it out but nothing passes Zeneriah.” Hot tears slid out and he hid his face more. “‘M sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Things like this can happen.” Gabriel stroked the back of his head and turned to Zeneriah. “Can you take care of the choir? I’m taking him home.”

She nodded and patted Lucifer’s knee. “Go. I’ll get the looking lollies to go about their business. You just feel better, Heylel and come show us a thing or two when you’re feeling well.” Zeneriah got to her feet and shooed the twins away before doing the same to the rest of the choir. Joviel and Nevial wished Lucifer well and flew away. 

“Come on, baby.” Gabriel murmured low so only Lucifer could hear him. “Let’s get you back and cleaned up.”

Lucifer nodded and held onto Gabriel, snatching his score off of his knee so when he felt better he could write the ending.  _ Again _ _. _

Gabriel spread his wings and flew to the bunker and directly to their nest. Setting Lucifer on the edge, he kissed him on the forehead and left for the bathroom to get a wet washcloth. “So this one came on sudden?” he asked through the bathroom door. 

“Yeah.” Lucifer mumbled, already looking at the music in his hands. Summoning another pen, he corrected the notes he had made during his panic attack and began figuring out arpeggios again. 

Gabriel came back with the cloth and pressed it to the back of Lucifer’s neck. “Put work away for a little while, Heylel.”

“But-” Lucifer tried to protest, staring at the alto line and realizing it didn’t match up with what was in his head.

“Butts are for sitting and spanking. Now put it away.” Gabriel said as he wiped the cool cloth over Lucifer’s cheek. “You know trying to work when you’re not at one hundred percent just makes everything worse.”

Lucifer stared forlornly at the score in his lap. “But music and chord progressions and this line and song and annunciation and Father and-”

Gabriel made a shushing noise to quiet his brother’s rambling. “And it’ll all be there in the morning for you to work on.”

Lucifer sniffled and leaned into Gabriel. “‘Kay,” he finally said in a quiet voice. 

Gently taking the sheets of music away, Gabriel laid them on the floor to be put away later. “Tell me what you need to feel better. Cuddles, a movie, one of my triple fudge sundaes?”

Lucifer remained silent, unsure of what would help at this point, and he played with the worn circle in the knee of his jeans, keeping his gaze hidden. 

“Okay. We’ll just relax here for now.” Gabriel said as he wiped the rest of the cooling sweat from Lucifer’s face. “Just let me know if you think of something.”

Lucifer nodded and fussed as his brother cleaned his face. 

Gabriel chuckled and tossed the cloth towards the hamper. “So that’s where Mary gets that expression when I clean her up.”

Lucifer, maturely, stuck his tongue out at Gabriel before curling in on himself. 

Moving around so he was seated behind Lucifer, Gabriel draped himself against his brother’s back and rested his cheek on his warm shoulder. The smaller angel’s arms slipped around his waist and squeezed gently. “Try not to beat yourself up. You didn’t mean to have an attack.”

Lucifer nodded with a sniffle and wrapped his arms on top of Gabriel’s. 

Gabriel stayed quiet for several minutes, content to hold Lucifer and let everything calm down. Placing soft kisses to the back of his neck every now and then. Not the kind to elicit arousal, but the sweet kind that lets someone know you're still there. 

Lucifer sighed and slowly began to relax, his posture untensing once more as he relaxed into his brother’s hold. 

After a while Gabriel circled his wings around him and pressed a kiss to the corner of Lucifer’s jaw. “Feeling better, Heylel?”

“A little.” Lucifer said quietly.

“Do you want me to go get Mary and we can curl up and watch a movie together?” Gabriel asked. 

Lucifer shook his head. “No, kind of wanting just you.”

Gabriel unwound himself from Lucifer and moved to the edge of the bed to toe of his shoes. When he was barefoot, he stretched out on the bed and opened his arms. “Wanna cuddle up?”

Lucifer nodded and immediately fell into Gabriel’s arms, curling up around him his brother and nosing his shoulder. 

Gabriel wrapped every limb he had, wings, arms and legs, around Lucifer and giggled like a kid getting away with something. “Got you now.”

Lucifer smiled and cuddled into Gabriel happily. 

“Now that I got you, what should I do with you?” Gabriel teased, his fingers tickling up the older angel’s side. 

Lucifer giggled and squirmed in Gabriel’s hold. 

Just as quickly as he started, Gabriel stopped and smiled at his brother. He didn’t care how it came about but he always loved the sound of Lucifer’s laughter. “There’s that beautiful smile.”

Lucifer squeaked and hid his face into Gabriel’s shoulder with a giggle. 

Gabriel chuckled. “So that’s where the seventh dwarf went. Who knew I would be cuddling Bashful? Bashful, if you promise not to tell my mates, you can stay here and sleep in my sock drawer.”

Lucifer blushed and cuddled into Gabriel with a coo. 

Placing a kiss to his forehead, Gabriel let out a contented sigh. “Get some sleep, Luci’. I’ll be your blanket.”

Lucifer nodded and soon had drifted off into a peaceful sleep. 

Zeneriah flapped into their nest about an hour after Lucifer fell asleep, her motherly instincts needing to make sure that the archangel was okay. She nodded at Gabriel. “How is he, Messenger?” she asked. 

“Shaken up but better.” Gabriel answered softly so he wouldn’t waken the napping angel. “I didn’t get a chance to thank you and the twins for looking out for him.”

“It is of no matter, I know how stubborn our Morning Star can be,” Zeneriah said softly, sitting down on the nest and smiling. “This is a very happy nest,” she commented. 

“We try.” Gabriel watched her sit and then snorted in amusement. “But it isn’t all sunshine and puppies around here.”

“Is it anywhere, Gabriel?” Zeneriah asked softly. She looked down at the sleeping Lucifer, nosing into his mate’s shoulder comfortably as he slept. “He looks healthier. Much more so than before his Fall.” She looked at Gabriel. “And we have you and Sam Winchester to thank for that.”

Gabriel blushed lightly at the praise. For all his bluster and pomp, he didn’t do well with outright compliments from others who weren’t his mates.  “It’s my pancake breakfasts because Father knows Sam can’t cook.”

Zeneriah smiled. “Whatever the two of you have done to make him like this again... It’s fantastic. He wasn’t even like this before the Mark of Cain.”

“Motherhood has been good for him too.” Gabriel smiled down at his brother and drew a deep breath. “Mary Rose is the best thing that happened to us even if it didn’t make us all that popular upstairs.”

“I think it’s wonderful,” Zeneriah smiled. “Heylel was always a bit of a motherly figure himself.”

“You should have seen his face when we told him he couldn’t give birth.” Gabriel let slip. When he realized what he’d said he turned wide eyes towards Zeneriah. “I didn’t just tell you that.”

Zeneriah laughed quietly. “Oh, I could imagine. He asked me, once long ago, what it was like to give birth. The adoration and the longing in his face?” she shook her head and smiled. “It was amazing and beautiful.”

Gabriel nodded with a sad kind of smile. “I wish we could have given him that, but the chance of Nephilim was too great.”

Zeneriah smiled sadly as well. “I’m surprised that our Father didn’t make an exception for his favorite son.”

“We didn’t ask.” Gabriel looked up at her and shrugged. “Besides can you imagine how quickly Sam would be smited for fathering such a being?” He shook his head and carefully sat up against the headboard. “I wouldn’t wish that on my family.”

Zeneriah nodded in agreement. “Nor I,” she admitted softly. “Heylel was always someone whom I looked up to. Even when he got the Mark of Cain. But I loved humanity too, and opted to not follow him for that reason. But I never stopped admiring him.” 

“I wish the younger ones had your memory.” Gabriel tilted his head as he thought of something he’d never truly gotten confirmation of after the incident with Sam’s attempted assassination. “Zen, have you heard what happened to the angels that attacked us? Are there more that we should be worrying about?”

Zeneriah shook her head. “Oh no! No more to worry about. After Father caught wind of it, he was  _ furious _ _. _ Righteous anger I haven’t seen since the Golden Calf. The ones who lived are now serving time in the hard labor prison.”

Gabriel’s eyes widened in surprise. “I thought that place was closed after the last war?”

“Father reopened it just for this batch,” Zeneriah said. “It broke all three of you down, and you’re one of Father’s favorite couples. . . his. .. . what are the humans calling it nowadays? Ah, yes, his OT3.” 

Gabriel quickly broke eye contact not wanting to let on just how well he knew that term and why. The fansites of the Supernatural books were his extremely guilty pleasure that was best left in the dark. Not to mention the repeated arguments he’d participated in on various forums and chat rooms about Lucifer and Sam. “OT3, huh? Humans and their gift for creating new language is amazing.” 

Zeneriah laughed softly and nodded. “It can be, yes,” she agreed. She cocked her head to the side, listening before sighing. “Time for me to go,” she sighed, withdrawing from the nest. “Thank you, for loving him.” 

“Thank you for being one of the few angels who cares enough to check on him.” Gabriel says with a genuinely pleased expression. He knew from observation that most of the host still shied away from Lucifer if they were faced with him alone. “Should I let him know you called?”

Zeneriah smiled. “I think he’d like that. And I think honestly, him panicking today helped some of the Host realize that he’s changed. Also, please hide that score from him.”

“The sheet music was the first thing to go when he got home.” he pointed to the dresser where the score now set. “Thank you, Zen. Peace be with you.” Gabriel bade her the old blessing that was too infrequently used but he always thought was appropriate for their kind.  

Zeneriah smiled warmly. “Peace be with you and yours, Messenger.” she said back. With a simple thought, she was gone. 

Once she was gone, Gabriel glanced down at his brother and placed a gentle kiss to his cheek. “Heylel...time to wake up.”

Lucifer groaned and cuddled into Gabriel more, refusing to wake up. 

“If you wake up you can lick the spoon when I make a Kentucky Derby Pie.” Gabriel whispered as he pet the hair back from Lucifer’s face. “I might even leave some filling in the bowl for you to share with Gumdrop.”

Lucifer groaned. “You make a very tempting offer,” he mumbled. 

“And think how fun it will be to eat said pie off of the body of our hunter when he gets back.” Gabriel whispered as he pulled away from Lucifer’s hold and stretched. 

Lucifer groaned and reached for Gabriel. “Ngh.”

“Oh no, you aren’t tempting me back into bed. We have a little girl that needs some attention other than Uncle Cas telling her about birds and bees.” Gabriel said as he grabbed Lucifer’s hand and kissed it. 

Lucifer cracked open his eyes and yawned. “Make that pie into Black Forest sundaes,” he bargained. 

“Sundaes don’t keep like pie does.” Gabriel explained. 

Lucifer pouted.

Gabriel took one look at his brother a sighed with an over exaggerated eyeroll. “Fine. If I make sundaes will you get out of bed?”

Lucifer nodded. “Feeling a little clingy,” he admitted quietly. 

“Well, in that case.” Gabriel stooped down and scooped his brother up into his arms, planting a quick kiss to his neck. “Come play with me in the kitchen while I cook.”

Lucifer giggled and cuddled into his brother, wrapping his arms and a wing around Gabriel. 

Gabriel held him tight as he started listing off the things he’d planned on making for dinner for all of them once the Winchester’s returned. He was grateful that everything was returning back to normal, or at least normal for them and that they had at least a few possible friends among the host. 

Lucifer nuzzled into Gabriel, enjoying the closeness and listening to his brother talk about food. 


End file.
